7.13.2008

Natasha Lyonne

Holy shit. I was just aimlessly browsing Wikipedia when I landed on actress Natasha Lyonne’s page. Most people probably wouldn’t recognize this fabulous actress’ name off-hand, but maybe you would recognize her face from the American Pie movies or from Slums of Beverly Hills. I’ve always considered her a hilarious and underrated actress who was capable of stealing a movie. Well my friends, it seems that Natasha has fallen on hard times.

Most people would probably consider the craziest star of American Pie to be my favorite party girl/skank whore, Tara Reid. I for one definitely did…I mean she had her own show about partying called Taradise for christsake. (Keep in mind it is one of my pet peeves to use the word party as a verb, but for Tara I make exception). However after reading about Natasha Lyonne on the internet, it seems Tara is undeserving of that superlative. I must say I was completely flabbergasted when I read about her antics over the past few years. She has gotten herself into some utter madness and I had no idea! Where was I when this was happening? If, as I expect, you have no idea what I am talking about I will enlighten you.

The first blip on Natasha’s crazy radar occurred in 2001 when she was arrested for DUI in Florida after hitting a road sign (see mug shot right). But her true crazy began two years later when she was evicted from an apartment owned by actor Michael Rappaport (Sidenote: I hated him on Boston Public). He published a tell-all article in Jane Magazine describing her apartment. I quote: “It looked like a grenade had gone off in her bedroom. There was garbage everywhere: scripts, contracts, pages from Hustler magazine, photos, letters, and things I can’t even mention. There were glasses smashed in the kitchen and there was standing water in the clogged tub with flies hovering over it. When the plumber saw the condition of the bathroom, he said he’d never seen anything that bad before. A freaking New York City plumber—that’s how bad it was.” Wow she seriously read Hustler magazine!? I mean I know she doesn’t exactly exude class, but I pegged her more as a Penthouse reader.

While living in that apartment, Natasha was arrested for an incident in which she broke into her neighbor’s apartment, broke a mirror, and threatened to molest their DOG. Holy crap! I understand that this tenant must have been extremely scared and upset when this happened (hence why she pressed charges), but I would probably give my fucking eyelashes to trade places with her! It would make me so happy to experience Natasha Lyonne threaten to molest my dog! Ugh why doesn’t anything like this ever happen to me?

It is with sincere sadness that I mention her eviction caused her to live on the streets (allegedly) and the next time she was heard from she was in a hospital suffering from hepatitis C, a heart infection, and a collapsed lung. Also it was reported she was undergoing methadone treatment (typical for heroin addicts) and had track marks on her body. This is such a tragedy, but I was glad to read that she seems to have recovered and has been busy completing several film projects in the meantime. I suspect (and hope!) her crazy streak has ended, but her short run at insanity has landed her a place here at the Hall of Crazy Women.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't know when this was made, but I just found it and I think it's worth noting that this actress played "Opal", one of the playhouse gang on Pee-Wee's playhouse.