The Hall of Crazy Women

BREAKING NEWS

2010-04-10T01:03:00.002-04:00

Elizabeth Taylor to wed for the 9th time. Being the ultimate cougar in addition to the fact that there are very few men older than her, Liz will be wed to her 49 year old boyfriend Jason Winters.

GO ON GET IT GIRL! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/04/09/2010-04-09_ninth_times_a_charm_dame_elizabeth_taylor_78_engaged_to_jason_winters_49.html

Brooke Hogan

2008-09-03T18:55:00.010-04:00

I don't really give a shit about Brooke Hogan. I think shes dumb and gross like the rest of her family and is not worthy of my attention. But I feel compelled to place her in our Crazy Hall of Fame because of her relatively recent statement about a woman becoming president. She said: "I actually am not that into voting. I think that its kind of crazy that a woman is running because I think women deal on emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff." Since crazy women are our area of expertise, you know I had to chime in. Brooke is fucking stupid! Obviously women are equally capable leaders. History has given us some excellent examples: Eleanor Roosevelt, Mother Teresa, Indira Gandhi, Cleopatra (both the actual Egyptian queen and the Liz Taylor version), and Amanda Woodward on Melrose Place.

Just in case that batshit quote isn't enough proof to establish Brooke's craziness to our readers, I decided to find more evidence. But I also promised myself I would only spend less than 10 minutes searching as to not waste too much of my life's precious moments caring about someone of her ilk. Therefore my research consisted solely of a quick Google image search, which I suspect/hope you will find sufficient.

So without further ado, I present "6 Reasons why Brooke Hogan is Crazy: a photo essay."

6. She forces innocent dogs to eat from her cleavage.

5. She wears jeans fashioned into assless chaps.

4. She dresses like a tranny in a Tarzan costume.

3. That is her dad rubbing her ass! Creepy!

2. She jokes about her brother being in jail. Hes in jail for reckless driving and driving under the influence which led to an accident. His passenger may be in a nursing home for the rest of his life because of the injuries he received. So pretty much that makes her a bitch.

1. I hope these are bad braces and not a grill. What the fuck?

I would say Brooke ranks pretty high on the Crazy-O-Meter. For now I would place her in the red section just below Ms. Liza Minelli. But Brooke is only 20. I suspect her craziest years are still ahead of her.

The Crazy-o-Meter

2008-08-28T01:35:00.012-04:00

Crazy comes in all shapes and sizes, from the nutty to the wacky, the bizarre to the utterly insane, and here at the Hall of Crazy Women, we don’t discriminate. In fact, we embrace and celebrate all forms of craziness, but in order to make things a bit more interesting I came up with a really great idea! I’ve always been a bit of a classifier, a compulsive rater, a lover of measurement. Back in grade school I would meticulously create pie charts, Venn diagrams, and bar graphs for all of my school projects. Channeling these skills, I created a useful visual aid for the readers here at the Hall.

Introducing: The Crazy-o-Meter

Much like the Homeland Security Advisory System, the COM is color coded. Imagine Rachel McAdams as being a perfect day, sun shining in the sky, minorities holding hands on a hilltop, sharing refreshing beverages. Conversely Liza Minnelli would be a tornado of fire, an atomic twister. It should also be noted that much like our government issued forefather, our ratings are subject to whim and are as ever, defined by the absurd.

The Crazy-O-Meter is based in scientific data.

Let's see how classic crazies fare on the scale:

Diana:Tyra:
Liz:
Sherri:
Natasha:

Crazy Women of the Summer Olympics

2008-08-15T02:29:00.013-04:00

The writing staff at the Hall of Crazy Women has caught an Olympic fever of 2008 degrees!! I know, bad joke. Bad but true because if I was actually afflicted with a real Olympic fever it would truly be that hot. Thats because the games of the 29th Olympiad are so incredibly intense and I am obsessed to an unhealthy degree. Besides watching pretty much 24/7, I have also been doing some research on the history of the games (I own a big book on the subject). And much to my delight I have discovered quite a few crazy women have had the honor of calling themselves Olympians. Here are just a few of the ones that I've found from the summer games. Some of these women are more famous than others (in America at least), and most have secured spots in their own sports' Halls of Fame for their medal winning performances. But I believe each of these gals deserves a spot in our very own Hall of Fame for their crazy antics and personalities.

Nadia Comaneci: Most people know Nadia for being the first gymnast to score a perfect 10 in an Olympics competition. In fact, she received 7 perfect tens at the Montreal Games. In total she has 5 career Olympic gold medals and is one of the greatest Olympians ever. And what is she doing now? Well she is touring the U.S. giving "inspirational" speeches with Mark Spitz endorsing Botox. The campaign is called "Your Personal Best" and aims to make the lives of participants richer by making their faces lifeless and cheap looking. How ironic. Hey, I get it, she's got to make that money somehow. I just wish she would approach the matter with the same integrity that she did gymnastics. I mean if you are selling Botox just sell it, don't make it seem like you actually care about the lives of the people you are taking money from.

Svetlana Khorkina: I always called this Russian gymnast "the duck" because I think she resembles one. Her always pouty lips remind me of a beak. I actually found this photo that compares her to an ostrich and I concur she is definitely more ostrich like than duck. I was close with the bird analogy though. Looks aside, she was a great gymnast who earned 7 career Olympic medals. But she also earned herself the nickname, "the diva," because of her strong temper and outspoken nature. For instance she claimed the 2004 Athens all around competition was fixed in favor of Carly Patterson. Collusion and bias are not uncommon in judged Olympic competitions, but honestly conspiracy theories, Svetlana? You're crazy. She also showed off her nude bird parts in Russian Playboy (NSFW).

Dawn Fraser: Eight time Olympic medalist (4 golds) and Aussie swimmer, Dawn Fraser is a living legend Down Under. She made my list because of a crazy scandal she was involved in during the 1964 Tokyo games. She allegedly had a few drinks, climbed a flag pole at the IMPERIAL PALACE, and stole the Olympic flag. I've also read that she did this naked!! Well she did an interview where she talks about the incident, and her own account doesn't sound as crazy but I still think shes a total bad ass! Lets see Natalie Coughlin or Amanda Beard do this in Beijing.

Eleanor Holm: This Olympic swimmer and gold medalist from the 1932 Los Angeles games embodied what we call "Old Timey Craziness." This a term with many meanings. First it is when a person does something crazy in a bygone era that really isn't considered crazy by today's standards. Things like revealing your ankles and not wearing a hat to church. In Eleanor's case she was suspended from the 1936 Berlin Games for getting drunk on the boat ride there. So what if she was (allegedly) found unconscious due to her drunkenness, thats a normal weekend for me. She was a victim of her time period. A second meaning for the term is the flamboyant, flashy, glamorous, theatrical, and hammy way that old time starlets behaved. Eleanor exudes this trait profusely. Here is a quote from her Wikipedia entry: "The following year...she married her first husband...and performed with his band while wearing a white bathing suit with a white cowboy hat and high heels, singing 'I'm an Old Cowhand from the Rio Grande.'" And here is how one of her ex-husbands described her lifetsyle: "she had had seven servants, 113 pairs of shoes, 41 sweaters and 11 fur coats; at Christmas, he added, he had put in her stocking pieces of coal wrapped in $10,000 government bonds." I could not make this stuff up if I tried! There is one part of Holm's story that does not stand the crazy test of time, however: when she arrived in Berlin--after being suspended from the U.S. team--she fraternized with the Nazis and received a silver swastika from Goering himself! OK, so maybe she was not just old timey crazy but also actually crazy.

Marion Jones: On this website, we chronicle the exploits of famous crazy women. We make fun and ridicule them, but its important to point out that, all comments aside, we love them. Well at least 99% of the time. They are some of our favorite people and they inspire us to pursue a life filled with pizazz and creativity. However, this is not the case with Marion Jones. I do not love her; rather, I hate her! Flashback to the 2000 Sydney Olympics. I was a starry eyed 9th grade runner watching one of my idols win 5 medals. I really loved her. (I even ran in the same meet as her, the 2000 Penn Relays, which was totally boss). Fast forward to 2007, when, after much speculation, she admitted to doping during the Olympics and was stripped of all her medals. She was always surrounded by shadiness, but when I heard she admitted to this I think my heart broke a little bit. Therefore I think she is a bitch, an embarrassment, and an abomination. And now she is in jail in part for perjury. She lied about doping and also about her involvement in a fraudulent check scheme. Check fraud? That is one of the trashiest crimes. What a piece of crap.

These are only a few of the many many crazy ladies who have competed at the summer Olympics. Check back in 2010 for the Vancouver games when we discuss crazy winter Olympians like Tonya Harding and Oksana Baiul. I can't even wait!

Lil Mama

2008-08-04T18:06:00.006-04:00

When this blog was first conceived, I did not imagine I would spend much time discussing the craziness of young celebrity women. I figured the legendary and well-established crazies, the Whitney Houstons, Naomi Campbells, and Paula Abduls of the world, would provide more than enough fodder for our operation. And they have. Believe me, I know Miley Cyrus and Ali Lohan are well on their way to crazydom, but right now they are still high schoolers. They are still discovering who it is they are, living out new phases, experimenting with weird fashions, and learning the hard way that too much makeup is never a good thing. I sympathize and will give them their space, for now.

So why am I writing about Lil Mama then? The answer is...out of love. I love Lil Mama! Shes crazy, but I love her. Consider it crazy love. Plus shes going to be 19 soon, her grace period has expired.

First, there is the video for her hypnotic hit single "Lip Gloss." When I first saw this video I thought it had to be a prank, like some sort of SNL Digital Short. It just makes no sense. I don't understand how some ugly, overly glittered lip gloss can make you the most popular girl in school in only one day?! Surely it has to be a joke. But no, the dancing spoons in the cafeteria (2:19) prove me wrong. Lil Mama is definitely not kidding. Shes dead serious. That dancing silverware is no joke.

LIL MAMA - LIP GLOSS
Uploaded by JNUELZ

Second is her amazing sense of style. Like this ensemble that she wore to the 2007 VMAs. Is she seriously sucking on a pacifier? Did she do ecstasy in her limo? Or did her publicist give it to her as a trick to prevent her from saying stupid crap during red carpet interviews?

And just this week she wore this get-up to the Teen Choice Awards, where she won an obnoxious surf board trophy, probably for Most Poppin Song of the Year. She is looking mighty fierce for someone with a pink bow on their head. Like Little Bo Peep crossed with a pitbull.

Last there are her antics and commentaries on the highly addictive show, America's Best Dance Crew. Don't know what I am talking about? Just watch the show and you will see. Trust me. Shes nuts, but in an endearing way. Mostly I'm referring to when she blasted the Boogie Bots. I do not care to elaborate because I am afraid that the many psycho Boogie Bots fans might come after me on the internet, as they have done to Mama herself. I am sort of apathetic to the politics of that show nor do I care who wins. But Fanny Pack all the way, wooo!

Natasha Lyonne

2008-07-13T01:36:00.006-04:00

Holy shit. I was just aimlessly browsing Wikipedia when I landed on actress Natasha Lyonne’s page. Most people probably wouldn’t recognize this fabulous actress’ name off-hand, but maybe you would recognize her face from the American Pie movies or from Slums of Beverly Hills. I’ve always considered her a hilarious and underrated actress who was capable of stealing a movie. Well my friends, it seems that Natasha has fallen on hard times.

Most people would probably consider the craziest star of American Pie to be my favorite party girl/skank whore, Tara Reid. I for one definitely did…I mean she had her own show about partying called Taradise for christsake. (Keep in mind it is one of my pet peeves to use the word party as a verb, but for Tara I make exception). However after reading about Natasha Lyonne on the internet, it seems Tara is undeserving of that superlative. I must say I was completely flabbergasted when I read about her antics over the past few years. She has gotten herself into some utter madness and I had no idea! Where was I when this was happening? If, as I expect, you have no idea what I am talking about I will enlighten you.

The first blip on Natasha’s crazy radar occurred in 2001 when she was arrested for DUI in Florida after hitting a road sign (see mug shot right). But her true crazy began two years later when she was evicted from an apartment owned by actor Michael Rappaport (Sidenote: I hated him on Boston Public). He published a tell-all article in Jane Magazine describing her apartment. I quote: “It looked like a grenade had gone off in her bedroom. There was garbage everywhere: scripts, contracts, pages from Hustler magazine, photos, letters, and things I can’t even mention. There were glasses smashed in the kitchen and there was standing water in the clogged tub with flies hovering over it. When the plumber saw the condition of the bathroom, he said he’d never seen anything that bad before. A freaking New York City plumber—that’s how bad it was.” Wow she seriously read Hustler magazine!? I mean I know she doesn’t exactly exude class, but I pegged her more as a Penthouse reader.

While living in that apartment, Natasha was arrested for an incident in which she broke into her neighbor’s apartment, broke a mirror, and threatened to molest their DOG. Holy crap! I understand that this tenant must have been extremely scared and upset when this happened (hence why she pressed charges), but I would probably give my fucking eyelashes to trade places with her! It would make me so happy to experience Natasha Lyonne threaten to molest my dog! Ugh why doesn’t anything like this ever happen to me?

It is with sincere sadness that I mention her eviction caused her to live on the streets (allegedly) and the next time she was heard from she was in a hospital suffering from hepatitis C, a heart infection, and a collapsed lung. Also it was reported she was undergoing methadone treatment (typical for heroin addicts) and had track marks on her body. This is such a tragedy, but I was glad to read that she seems to have recovered and has been busy completing several film projects in the meantime. I suspect (and hope!) her crazy streak has ended, but her short run at insanity has landed her a place here at the Hall of Crazy Women.

Point-Counterpoint: Anne Hathaway

2008-07-03T22:13:00.006-04:00

Here at the Hall of Crazy Women we do not always see eye to eye. For instance, Alex absolutely hated the movie Once whereas I thought it was adorable. When we started the Hall we realized soon that we had something new to disagree about, the validity of claiming someone as crazy. Thus out of the ashes of our disagreement arose the Point/Counterpoint phoenix, a new style for our humble blog that I hope you enjoy (since we had a lot of fun writing it and want to do it again!)

Anne Hathaway

Slamm: So I'm pretty sure Anne Hathaway is crazy, not outwardly crazy like Liza or Kim Jong-il but crazy none the less. It is my belief that history will show Anne Hathaway as being less than sane, therefore I am putting her on notice. There are already flairs of crazy that have thread their way through her life, for instance, raised Catholic (in Short Hills, NJ) she had dreams of being a nun. Really? Who honestly dreams of joining a convent when they are 8 years old? Crazy people, that's who. She abandoned that notion when she found out that her brother was gay.

Alex: Anne Hathaway is not crazy. She is a beautiful, seemingly intelligent, woman who is surrounded by crazy people. Although I would not be surprised if she becomes crazy by the time she is 40 (a normal occurrence for most of the Hollywood crowd), at the moment she is perfectly normal. Counterpoint one: Lots of people who are raised Catholic want to be nuns and priests when they are little and impressionable. It's called brainwash. I think it makes sense that she gave up her nun dreams when she found out her brother was gay. It would be difficult to both approve of your brother and disapprove of the gay lifestyle at the same time. Plus I don't think black and white are her colors:

S: Haha! Bows! One of my tried and true litmus tests of crazy I call, "The Donald." It's pretty self explanatory. If Donald Trump puts you on blast then you are most likely crayzay and as it happens, Anne Hathaway has recently passed this test. Upon news of Anne's breakup with Italian "businessman" Rafaello Follieri, who among other crimes, claimed to be b.f.f.'s with Pope Benedict (Anne should pen a DaVinci Code sequel with all of her Catholic related life drama). The Donald noted from his ivory tower of crazy that, "She hasn't remained very loyal to him, has she? So when he had plenty of money, she liked him, but then after that, not so good right?" Oooo Snap!

A: Spoken like a true asshole, Donald. He is only pissed because the couple no longer pays $37,000 a month to live in Trump Tower. Ms. Hathaway was in her right mind to leave her scam artist boyfriend. He sounds like a first-class douchebag. Who would lie about their connections to the Vatican to fool investors? As if high power people investing hundreds of millions of dollars wouldn't eventually discover this small fib. He should stay in jail for being a complete idiot. In fact, if Hathaway stayed with him I would doubt her sanity. It's like that one friend everyone has who is dating some loser they refuse to dump. You just want to shake the stupid out of them to make them see what is so painfully clear to everyone else. I am glad Anne saw the light before it was too late.

S: But thats exactly what did happen. Everyone was apparently warning Anne about her sleezepot b.f. and she refused to believe them, even her own PARENTS, according to the NY Daily News. It wasn't until the story was breaking about an investigation did Anne flee the country to dodge the bad press. My point is, I see through Anne Hathaway's cover of being the bland and boring starlet right to the glowing core inside of her that just wants to escape. I mean it, I can literally see right through her.

A: Smart, usually sensible people often find themselves in bad situations. And no, I'm not talking about the Get Smart remake. I'm talking about LOVE. Being in love with someone who is crazy doesn't make you crazy! Look at Chris O'Donnell in the movie "Mad Love" where he dates the suicidal Drew Barrymore...he's a completely normal guy, he just fell in love with a crazy girl. He can't help it. To explain Anne's situation, I quote rapper, Eve: "Love is blind and it will take over your mind." Love took over Anne's mind, but once she came to her senses, she did a hard thing and left her dirtball boyfriend. Amen to that!

S: A, did you really think I would give you the last word? When I was doing some half assed research for this blog post I google'd "Anne Hathaway, crazy" which oddly yielded lyrics to a song by Anne Hathaway (what? did she put out a cd or is this a different person?) called "Crazy Love." I'm pretty perplexed by this find and I'm going to put it out to our readers to answer my conundrum. Is this our same disputed crazy? If so, thats ironic, no? Also, and more importantly, what do you guys think? Is Anne crazy or at least on her way to crazyville? We really want to know what you think! Thanks!

Sherri Shepherd

2008-06-25T07:00:00.004-04:00

I love The View. No other show on television comes near the levels of sheer crazy that this show can achieve in a single episode. OK, I know what you are thinking. Surely some of the reality shows or soap operas out there are crazier than The View, right? I mean have you seen She’s Got the Look? But the thing about The View that makes it so much crazier is that it tries to pass itself off as a legitimate informative talk show: a diverse group of women discussing the issues that matter in an engaging fashion. I can totally see this formula working on paper. But when you cast attention-starved, nutball, pseudo-celebrities (Star Jones, Elizabeth Hasselbeck) next to actual outspoken celebrities (Rosie O’Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg) that formula goes out the window and what ensues is pure pandemonium.

My absolute favorite co-host is Sherri Shepherd because she is such a fucking moron. She is beyond dumb. And it’s such a shame too because I think she’s awesome on 30 Rock as Angie Jordan. Sherri often finds herself a bit lost among the strong personalities of the other View hosts. Here she argues that Christians predated everything, even the ancient Greeks.

Next she denies the theory of evolution and announces that she has never thought about whether or not the world was flat because she is more concerned with how she is going to feed her child.

I love Barbara Walters quip, “Well you can do both!” Go Babs, you little nympho. At this point I bet the producers of the show wish the world was flat so they could put her on a boat and send her off the edge. Last, Sherri reveals that she has never voted before because she didn’t know the dates of the elections.

Despite being such an idiot, I still love Sherri. I think it has something to do with the fact that she reminds me of a sassy little kid and there is nothing cuter than that.

Farrah Fawcett

2008-06-11T10:30:00.006-04:00

Here at The Hall of Crazy Women we love Lifetime movies, or anything even slightly resembling a Lifetime movie. It is our favorite genre of film, especially those from like 15 to 25 years ago. That’s because you know the film will be a perfect blend of high octane lady drama and curiously exquisite hair/fashions. We particularly enjoy this genre of film because this is where many of our favorite crazy women find acting work: Tori Spelling in “Mother May I Sleep With Danger,” Patti LaBelle in “Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy,” and Tatum O’Neal in “Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal.” OK, so that last one hasn’t come out yet, but you just know it’s going to be awesome because Tatum O’Neal is fucking insane. I hope she plays one of the cheerleaders. But if there is one crazy woman who could be considered the queen of the Lifetime movie, its Ms. Farrah Fawcett.

Farrah is a living legend. Her signature hairstyle—appropriately named after her—is oft-imitated by many lesser starlets even today (ie. Denise Richards, Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson). She was the subject of an iconic poster (right) that adorned the walls of some 12 million boys rooms across America. While in her late 40s she posed nude for Playboy (twice!). And finally, getting back to the intro, she has starred in numerous classic made for TV movies including the greatest Lifetime-esque movie ever created, “The Burning Bed.”

But naturally, as with most women in Hollywood, Farrah has given us her fair share of crazy. Rewind to 1997. Farrah appeared on David Letterman completely out of her mind—slurring her words and, at times, uttering complete nonsense. Check it out:

Notice how she fumbles behind the curtain before entering the stage. My favorite part is at 1:20 when she explains why she was hurried getting to the studio. “There were people…people who love me…” You’re right Farrah, we do love you!!! Then at 3:05, she hilariously describes “scaling” an embankment in Central Park to escape a mob of drunken Irish at the St. Patty’s Day Parade. When I visualize this escapade, I imagine Farrah wearing gold stilettos and carrying a champagne flute. She scales the wall in record time without spilling any of her beverage. She then toasts the town! “Oh NY, how we love each other!”

Next Farrah brought her crazy to roast William Shatner. I think most of this was scripted—the whole Jason Alexander at her side part. But the incoherence and giggly behavior was definitely not. This is classic Farrah

Finally, I leave you with this Noxema shaving cream commercial starring Farrah as some sort of miniature bathroom angel who sings about "Great Balls O' Comfort" and dances in the palm of your hand as you shave.

The Hall of Crazy Women wishes Farrah a speedy and healthy recovery in her fight against cancer so she can bring us many many more years of crazy.

Elizabeth Taylor

2008-05-30T11:57:00.009-04:00

A few months ago I came up with the idea to decorate the interior of my walk in closet (my first ever!) with portraits of famous women. I tend to dress a little outlandishly at times, a 70s bell sleeve pink and floral dress, a blue 40s hat complete with netting…awesome, but def. not practical. As a result most of my pieces of flare don’t come out of the closet as much I’d like so I wanted them to be guarded by my favorite style icons. I consulted my good friend, Alex, for his advice and he agreed noting that the best famous women are the craziest! We never did get to decorate that closet (I lived there a short 2 months, in true crazy woman status), but in some ways I hope this blog reflects that original thought. For a concept blog, I hope we entertain and amuse.

For my first post I wanted to celebrate Elizabeth Taylor. I love her; she is the ultimate woman to perfectly encapsulate what this blog really is about. In her prime she was the beauty queen of Hollywood, her sultry looks, forever captured on film justified the hype and influenced a whole generation of women. She took chances in both the roles she choose on screen and in her personal life. She was married eight times, twice to the same guy. What makes me love her the most is the series of outlandish moments that have made her life seem so fun and exciting.

I'd like to share with you some of my favorite Elizabeth Taylor moments throughout the years, some you may very well know about and some that you might have overlooked. We really hope that you like our ode to the women that will grace these pages and that you will become inspired by them as much as we have. As Liz said once, "I adore wearing gems, but not because they are mine. You can't posses radiance, you can only admire it."

I now give you Elizabeth Taylor, beautiful, graceful, charming, funny, smart and just a LITTLE CRAZY!

As a young girl growing up in the early 90s my first exposure to Elizabeth Taylor was through her White Diamonds campaign. In fact, my grandmother, who OWNED the perfume, and who lived with my family exposed me to a lot of Elizabeth Taylor growing up. I'll never forget watching those commercials with her during her "stories".

My second favorite Liz moment is from the Golden Globes, in which she presented the best picture award for 2000. I quote her delivery of "Gladiator" all the time.

Everyone knows Liz has been married like a million times and judging from this clip, from another early 90s childhood staple, Entertainment Tonight (remember when John Tesh was on it?!), she's not planning on doing so again.

But probably the craziest thing about Elizabeth Taylor is her association with fellow crazies, Michael Jackson and Liza Minelli. Sometimes I think about what the three of them do and talk about when they are together. Once, I imagined them sitting in a garden, eating jello out of crystal bowls. This picture is from Liza's wedding to David Gest, god I wish I could have been there.

Liz has said that she doesn't read any of the biographies written about her. But I hope she knows that we all love her, no matter how crazy she is.

Diana Ross

2008-05-27T03:24:00.006-04:00

Yesterday I watched Dreamgirls, a movie which is partly based on the rise to fame of Motown girl group, The Supremes, and their leader, the legendary diva, Diana Ross. While watching I was reminded of something: Diana Ross is completely nuts.

OK, I know that she has like a bajillion number 1 singles and an Oscar nod for her role as Billie Holiday in Lady Sings the Blues. Not to mention starring roles in Mahogany, The Wiz, and Double Platinum (ha!). Also I just found out (according to my trusted colleague, Wikipedia) that she has not 1 but 2 stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! In other words Diana Ross is a total icon.

But despite this litany of honors that Ms. Ross has achieved, when I think of her, the first thing that comes to mind is the time she felt up Lil Kim at the 1999 VMAs. The fact that this is my foremost memory of Diana can be partially attributed to the fact that I am a proud member of the MTV generation and have only been alive for the sunset of her career. But it is also due to the fact that Diana Ross is absolutely crazy and so is grabbing Lil Kim’s boob on national TV. After the incident she went on Larry King and blamed her maternal instincts: “You get caught up in the MTV Awards and I just...I was acting like a mother, to say 'Why are you doing this?’”

Now I don’t know about you, but I consider this to be a perfectly legitimate excuse. Really I do. If anyone needs a stern mother, Lil Kim does. But then Diana goes and gets herself detained for the exact same thing a month later at London’s Heathrow Airport. Supposedly while being examined at a checkpoint she felt that she was violated by a female security guard. In response, she then fondled the same guard saying, “This is how it feels to be fondled.” I love it. I can’t imagine anything funnier than a skinny old crazy lady with an explosion of hair fondling an airport security guard.

I leave you with this clip of Diana Ross at the 1994 World Cup where she misses a penalty kick (and then the net collapses?). I love her red track suit because it reminds me of my grade school gym teacher, who coincidentally was also completely crazy.

Tyra Banks

2008-05-24T02:53:00.007-04:00

It is only appropriate that the first crazy woman I write about be Tyra Banks because she is my favorite crazy. Although I must admit: I do (slightly) suspect she’s not actually nuts but maybe just a drama queen. But then again, she does act loco a majority of the time on each of her many shows. So I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and warrant her legitimately crazy. As proof I submit the following YouTube clips, my top 5 Tyra crazy moments:

1. Tyra shows insolent America’s Next Top Model reject, Tiffany, some tough luv:

2. OK I realize this next one is supposed to be a spoof of Oprah’s Favorite Things, but I can see the glimmer of crazy in Tyra’s eyes as she rolls on the floor. Whenever I am feeling blue I just watch this clip:

3. Tyra’s signature move is to feel other girls’ boobs. She does this…a lot. Here she feels Katherine McPhee’s. At least she cracks a joke about her wig.

4. As executive producer of The Tyra Show, you just know she totally came up with the idea for this bit, a spoof of Déjà Vu by Beyonce (another one of my favorite crazies). I’ve never actually seen this episode of Tyra but I have a feeling that even in context I would still consider this clip to be completely bonkers:

5. This one is just funny to me. I like how H.Duff acts as if she actually cares.